I’ve been asked numerous times where the pain lies on a scale of 1 to 10. I know why they do it, but I can’t number this pain too well. The physical pain is bad, but the effect on memory, concentration, emotion, its constant and unrelenting presence? Where do I put that?
So before a recent appointment I allowed myself a few minutes to consider my pain. I found myself writing, and this is what came out...
It seeps, and stiletto like, stabs through my spine.
Gut pinned, impaled, ever run through.
Violent drama now mundane.
Undermining, a cascade against imagination,
My train of thought ever Tayward rattling; perilous, gone.
And it stays, unbidden, unwelcome it stays
Like a toddler howling in infant woe,
Escalating in absence of reason it spins and climbs ‘til my ears weep.
Sleep as broken as 3 o’clock screams
What it needs I don’t know
It speeds past hope, past strength, my patience
...and I know that captures some of it, and I know it's self indulgent doggerel, but I mainly wonder whether to call that a 7 or an 8?